I Coach This. I Still Fell For It

What a stalled flight and an unfamiliar speaking topic taught me about my own comfort zone

A few weeks ago, I had two things stacked back-to-back that had no business stressing me out as much as they did.

The first was an out-of-state leadership training — material I know cold; I could teach it in my sleep. But I was dreading it. Not the content. The travel. I like certainty. I like knowing how my day will go, and air travel just doesn't offer that. Delays happen. Plans shift. Nothing about that uncertainty is catastrophic. I've never missed getting where I was supposed to be, but it sat heavily with me for days, long before I even packed a bag.

The second was a speaking opportunity, barely any travel involved, but the topic was slightly outside my usual lane. Not something I talk about every week. That unsettled me too, in a different way; I wasn't sure how I'd put it together.

Two different situations. Same result: real stress, days in advance, over things that, on paper, weren't actually that big of a deal.

The Question That Cracked It Open

At some point, sitting with the travel stress, I asked myself something I ask the leaders all the time when they're stuck: Why am I still stressed about this, when it usually works out fine?

Because it does. I've done this kind of travel plenty of times. It always works out. So if the outcome is basically fine every time, why was my body reacting like it wasn't?

The honest answer wasn't about flight delays. The honest answer was: I didn't want to leave home.

I'm comfortable at home. I've got my routines. Even the hard parts of running this business happen from a place that feels settled. That trip was going to pull me out of it, and the travel itself was never the real threat. The comfort was the thing I didn't want to give up.

The Part I Don't Love Admitting

Here's where it gets uncomfortable to say out loud. I tell leaders constantly: you cannot grow without some discomfort. No pain, no gain. If you want development, you have to go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable at least.

I say that. I believe that. And yet I still built a very comfortable box around myself without even noticing I'd done it.

That's the trap, and it's rarely as obvious as it sounds from the outside. Comfort doesn't announce itself. It shows up disguised as reasonable: I just like being prepared. I just like certainty. Those aren't lies. They're true. They're also exactly the language avoidance uses when it wants to sound responsible instead of scared. If you're reading this thinking "that's not me", let me push back on that. It almost never looks like avoidance from the inside. It looks like preference.

What Happened When I Stopped Fighting It

Naming what was really going on didn't make the discomfort disappear; I just stopped arguing with it. I did the training. I did the speaking engagement, even without the comfort levels I would have preferred.

And that's where it paid off. Because the content was slightly outside my usual territory, it exposed the gaps; the places in which I have room to grow that I never would have found if I'd stayed in the topics I already knew cold. That was uncomfortable in the moment, honestly a little painful to sit with. But now I have a clear, specific list of things to work on. None of that happens if I talk myself out of the opportunity because it felt unfamiliar.

The discomfort wasn't a signal to retreat. It was the mechanism that showed me exactly where to grow.

What This Means for You

Next time you notice yourself stressed about something that, if you're honest, usually works out fine, don't just manage the symptom. Don't white-knuckle through the anxiety or push past the nerves without asking why they're there. Stop and ask: Why am I still stressed about this, when it usually works out fine?

Then take some time with the honest answer. It's probably not the logistics. It's probably the comfort you're protecting.

You don't have to love the discomfort (I don't), but you do have to be willing to walk into it anyway, because on the other side of it is the growth you want and need.

This post is based on Episode 44 of the Lead With More podcast. Listen to the full episode when it publishes here.